Life Choices

This week is exactly why I can't go back to work . . . no matter how much I'd like to. Between dance, piano lessons, orchestra meetings, birthday celebrations, grocery shopping, laundry, play dates and homework, there is very little time leftover. I recently had lunch with my old work team. Working part time came up. Something I'd absolutely love. So I tried to figure out how to make it work. It doesn't. Sure, I could make it work but at what cost? I'd have to pull Mary from her preschool. Just the thought makes me sad because I love her preschool and her teachers and her little friends. I don't want her to miss out on that amazing experience. David would have to commit to being home early two days a week. He makes a billion times more than I would so is it really wise to impact his career so I can spend some time in the office? And honestly, would David truly be able to get each kid where he or she needs to be on time with all of the needed stuff since I'd go in late and work late? David thought it would be great if I worked again. I thought so too since I really need something for me. But when we really thought through it, we just didn't see how it would work without someone making a sacrifice. My baby is almost 4 years old already. Where did the time go? Do I really want to cut into the next 4 years by not being here? Do I want to miss field trips and volunteering at school and the Halloween parade and the holiday parties and school sing along and the cute play dates???? What happens during Spring Break or the summer - what do I do with my kids then? Maybe some of these things would be worth giving up if I made enough money. But, being the financial lady that I am, I ran the numbers. And ran them and ran them again. After day care, I wouldn't bring that much home. I mentioned this to David. He pointed out that I wouldn't go back to work for the money, but for my brain, my self-fulfillment. But I can't. I can't sacrifice my kids. I can't sacrifice my marriage (yes, this may sound dramatic, but before we had kids, I was the one in this relationship who stayed late and brought work home . . . it didn't work then, why do I think it would work now?). So while some might say I'm the one sacrificing by not working again, to me it feels like it would cost far more than I ever want to pay. So I'll stay home and I'll endure the frustrating days because just one good hour makes it all worth it for me. One special hug. One sincere thank you. One heart-felt apology. One excited high five. Nothing is as precious as my little family and I want to enjoy this time with them while I can.

How lucky I am to be able to stay home!

I'm grateful God was generous enough to give me a chance to think about this and to realize what a lucky lady I am right where I'm at :).