As I said in the post below, last fall I moved my kids to a new piano teacher. There were multiple reasons for the change, but a primary reason was that I thought Jacob would enjoy competing in a piano competition. Really, looking back on it, I'm not sure what I was thinking, but in a weak moment, I moved my kids. Jacob had been asking if he could quit piano, so I thought perhaps a new teacher would improve his attitude. It didn't. In fact things went from fairly good to really bad. Both Jacob and I began to dread Tuesdays which were the day of his piano lessons. I'm not really sure why, but Jacob and the new teacher DID NOT connect AT ALL. Tuesdays typically found us both very upset and fighting - me trying to get him to go to the lesson and he trying to convince me how much he hated the piano. Things hit an all-time low for our relationship in February. So I told Jacob he could quit piano lessons with our current teacher at the end of the month. He could choose if he wanted me to teach him going forward or go back to our old teacher once she had an opening. He chose me.
And things have greatly improved. Jacob is playing the piano again in down time for fun like he used to do. Jacob is progressing. We have a routine - every Tuesday night we sit down at the piano and I give him a lesson. Jacob no longer tells me on a daily basis how much he hates the piano (because he never did). And we no longer fight over it. Jacob prefers being taught here by me. I learned from the new teacher to assign fun songs so Jacob can now play a simplified version of, Everything I Do, I Do It For You, from Robin Hood and he is working on some simplified hymns for church as well as the regular books. The best part is that our relationship is pretty darn good again. And if he ever complains, I simply remind him that he can take lessons from me or I'll find him another teacher . . . the complaints stop almost instantaneously.
This was the right decision for us. Of course, I have these bad angels sitting on my shoulder that keep whispering in my ear that I'm not good enough to teach Jacob, or kids rarely progress as well when their parent teaches them, or I am setting a bad precedent for his younger sisters by letting him quit. But then I remember just how bad it got in February and just how good things are now and I know I did the right thing. Jacob probably will not end up a music major (I can hear my Mom & Dad sigh in relief from here :). But he will have music in his life, he will be able to play in church and for fun, and he will continue making progress. The past 2 months have already proven that. And I have relearned yet again some valuable lessons from the experience:
1) Each of my children is unique. I keep expecting what works for one to work for a sibling, but things just never work out that way in our family. And they shouldn't - who would want 4 carbon copies of each other - how BORING!
2) Sometimes there are things more important than outside accomplishments, like my child's happiness and peace and self-confidence. I tend to want my kids to excel at everything and be constantly creating some type of resume line item. This experience reminded me that if Jacob ends up being only a mediocre piano player, it will be okay. If he excels, it will be okay too. We all truly have different strengths and talents. And different paths to developing those talents. For Jacob, his path is with me; for Charlotte, her path is with our new teacher. It doesn't mean one is better or worse, just different.
7 years ago
It sounds like you're doing the right thing Ella. Each child is unique and their strengths are going to be different from their siblings. With our children, I didn't care if they were concert pianists--I just wanted them to learn to appreciate good music. Each of them was required to take piano, or band, or guitar, or Chorale (or all of them if they wanted to) to teach them to read music. I think all of them love and appreciate good music now so I guess it worked. It sounds like your kids will get the exposure to good music too thanks to their Mom!
ReplyDeleteI love that you realize things like this- I think some people never do. Keep up the great work, you are a good mom.
ReplyDeleteI had to laugh because you were right there was a BIG sigh of relief. You know me and what I think, “take all of that Humanity stuff you want but in the end take something you can make a living at and that wouldn‘t include being a Music Major. There is nothing against Music for enjoyment, relaxation, peace and tranquility it can bring into your life and it definitely does that. You forgot that Jacob will be able to play the Hymns on his Mission in different parts of the world where they lack in people who can play in their meetings.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, what works for one child will not work for another so you have to find a different way to reach each one of your children.
By the way Grandpa says to stick to the Basketball.